I have been personally impacted by suicide four different times. I have come to view suicide as an act of someone taking their destiny into their own hands. However, often when suicide has been chosen, those left behind see that suicide as a failing of their won relationship with that person. Suicide for survivors seems to bring out a long list of guilt and burdens as survivors try to think about how they personally could have thwarted the decision made by the dead.
This view is wrong.
The dead have chosen and the those who live on were not given the opportunity to have input or choice in the path the dead chose. Their death is not a statement about the living, it is a statement often about the dead.
Of course, there are some who would argue that bullies and parents and assholes who may have tormented the dead when they live have a culpability in suicides. Some would even argue that having unsecured weapons will contribute to suicides bringing culpability. Usually, though, the law doesn’t agree with this. If someone chooses death, chooses to end their life, they will do so one way or another. It is a silent battled waged within and rarely and ultimately has little to do with the living who have been left behind.
Being a medium I have communed with those who have died by suicide twice. Both times, the person who chose death presented as happy, sometimes confused, but at peace with the situation they created for themselves. In one case, the person was anxious to find a whole body with better physical health and live again. In the other, the person was tired and wanted to rest a bit and found that rest in his death. Later that same person would visit to tell me he had chosen to live again.
What I personally have experienced is that those who chose suicide understand that they have caused great pain and are deeply sorry to have caused it. AND they are not sorry that they found a peace in death, they could not have found in the life they were leading. They seem wiser and less likely to choose that path in future lives they were looking forward to living. Both told me that they had chosen the path they did and they were not filled with any regrets.
I am not advocating that suicide is a good choice. I have gone to great lengths to personally avoid my own suicide. Suicide is not what I would expect from whole, well and spiritually aware persons to chose, necessarily. However, I can understand the logic of it, especially those who suffer emotionally or mentally or physically.
Most importantly, I know that suicide isn’t about the living, at the end, it is about one person making a decision to take the ultimate control and determine when their destiny in this life time ends.
This is the other gift of paganism. Paganism teaches a spiritual seeker that everyone has the right to seek and find spirituality in the best possible way for themselves. Pagans don’t really care what religion you are, as long as your religion makes room for everyone’s religion.
This attitude of the right of spiritual choice has seeped into how I view death. I have seen those terminally ill live years and years longer than expected because they had made a visceral choice to do so. And faced with suicide of those I knew and loved, I am able to see their choice as something they had to choose, not something related to me. Suicide isn’t about me or you, it is about those who choose the time and place of their passing.
Should we try to help those who are facing this chose, make another one? Absolutely! Most who chose suicide may have been able to find a life that was better if someone knew.
But – if for some reason someone we know and love chooses suicide, we can choose how we view them, their decision and their death. We aren’t bound to a God who says that suicide is a sin. We, as pagans, are not bound by white and black meanings to life and death. We are the people of the gray. We have the ability to see that death and life are not cut and dry concepts and we can add to those thoughts, that what we could bear may not be the same for others.
In the bearing, they may have felt that they could not bear it. In this realization, they may chose suicide and death, an end to the strife.
More importantly, I have never, ever thought that death was an end. Persons die to live again. If I focus on the LIFE of the dead, I keep alive the spirit and essence of all that was right good and whole about the person who has committed suicide. I can send with them into their next incarnation all that was good and right about their living. The laws of magick tell me that the energy of that goodness and rightness will follow the dead into a world that they will be able to choose a longer life in. My thoughts and meditations and prayers for them will go to them where ever in this multiverse they may be and in that energy and that exchange nothing has truly be lost as long as I remember.
What is remembered lives.
The warning signs for suicide in teenagers
are different. If you suspect someone is considering suicide, you should act. You should not wait. Take the person to the ER immediately and demand they be held on a suicide watch for 72 hours. Better an angry friend or relative than one who can no longer chose to be angry at you.
TEXT THE NATIONAL SUICIDE HOTLINE’S TRAINED CRISIS COUNSELORS ABOUT ANYTHING
THAT’S ON YOUR MIND.
TEXT “GO” TO
FREE, 24/7, CONFIDENTIAL.
- Boys Town
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
- 1-800-273-8255 (24/7) Press 1 for Veterans line
- Disaster Distress Helpline
- Text TalkWithUs to 66746
- TTY for Deaf/Hearing Impaired: 1-800-846-8517
DATING ABUSE & DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
- National Domestic Violence Hotline
- RAINN: Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network
- National Human Trafficking Resource Center
- Text BeFree (233733)
- USA National Child Abuse Hotline
- National Runaway Safeline
- National Safe Place
- Text SAFE and your current location to the number 69866 (24/7)
- National Eating Disorders Association
- 1-800-931-2237 (Monday-Friday, 11:30 am-7:30 pm EST)
- ANAD: National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders
- 630-577-1330 (Monday-Friday,12 pm-8 pm EST)
- Email ANAD
- Safe Alternatives
- Call 800-366-8288 for information on seeking help
SUPPORT FOR GAY, LESBIAN, BISEXUAL AND TRANSGENDER (GLBT) YOUTH
- GLBT National Youth Talk
- The Trevor Project
- Planned Parenthood
- STI Resource Center
- Call 919-361-8488 (Monday-Friday, 8:00 am-6:00 pm EST)